I am taking part in this new project on binduwiles.com called 21.5.800. Participants write 800 words per day for the 21 days and do yoga for 5 out of each 7 days. Since I have just begun doing Yoga again after taking a few years off and since I really need to get back to the daily writing routine I seem to never have managed to keep up, I think this is a fabulous project to partake in. For more information visit binduwiles.com.
I don’t really feel like writing tonight, but I want to stay committed to this project and to my writing. Tonight I am struggling with the concept of love: old love, new love, and love that has been lost. I have been learning some very painful lessons about love over the past month, but instead of the pain shutting me down, it is opening me up. I have come to realize that it is my expectations of someone and their nonfulfillment of those expectations that is at the core of the pain I am feeling. How fair is that to them? I cannot blame anyone else for the pain that I am feeling because I am the one who created the perfect situation for pain to enter into my life. I am learning to let go of those that I love, not because they don’t meet my expectations, but because they and I are not on similar paths. I know what I want and instead of trying to mold myself or them to falsely create compatibility I am being honest with myself and them and then letting go. This is extraordinarily painful, but I cannot receive what I want if I have filled its space with what I don’t. So, for now I must fill this empty space with my own love and nurture it so that when that perfect person comes along I will be detached from the past, open, and ready to receive their love.
In my yoga practice today, I practiced loving myself in myriad ways. Here is my practice for the day:
I visualize my cells bouncing through my body, radiating pink with love. When I bend forward and open my back, I visualize it completely open and ready to receive love because my back where I cannot see is where I am most vulnerable. As I come into contact with each body part, I tell it that I love it. I love you, feet. I love you, legs. I love you, belly. I love you, arms. I love you beautiful mind. I repeat over and over “You are beautiful” – something I have always wanted to hear from someone else, but now realize must come from me. In mountain pose I visualize my core spinning ferociously – a tornado – clearing all the loose debris that has slid from my solid, stainless steel core that only truth can attach to. I imagine this debris of falsity moving through my legs and releasing strongly through the soles of my feet and into earth. As I lie in relaxation pose I imagine my entire body as jumping pink molecules of love. As I lie on the ground, I merge with the ground below me and we become one. I am only molecules of love merged with other molecules of love; there are no boundaries between us. I then visualize those that I love and have lost, those who are hurting, and those who need healing. I see them surrounding with pink healing light. I see them healed. I see them feeling the power of my love surrounding them. I see the hurt dissipate. It is through this process that I have learned to transcend the pain.
The other day I was sitting quietly and a few thoughts came to mind: 1) There is so much pain in the world. How can I ease the pain? and 2) Why do we hate each other so much? How do I contribute to this hate?
I realized that I cannot control others, but I can control myself. I can do my part to change the hatred in the world by changing myself. There is no more room within my body or my mind for hate.
These are my goals: to ease other’s pain and suffering however I can and to work toward eliminated hatred and hateful actions from myself and instead show love. Imagine for a moment the person who always receives nasty stares or is constantly targeted with hate or is so used to being hurt by others that they cannot help but pass that hurt to others. What if you were the only one to smile at them, you were the only one to show them love? How could that transform their life? I want to be the person who smiles, the person who shows love. I cannot control others’ actions. I cannot change others. I can only change myself. BUT, I can show love even to the most hateful of persons. That I have control of!
*The Yoga practice I use: Yoga Conditioning for Weight Loss
Sorry I posted this late. This is the post for 6/11/10.